| the chemistry between us could distroy this place. |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|11:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | living room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Spill Canvas- All Hail The Heartbreaker | ] |
April 30th, 2009 11:51 pm.
Hello Livejournal world.
Time for a very serious and lenghty update.
I love Grand Valley State University but I am starting to wonder if it is for me.
Or is it Psychology that I need to change.
I've never done good in the classes but its something I've always wanted to be.
Although I know more than anyone else that I never get what I want.
I just feel that it is too late to change my major and if I do what do I want to become now.
I failed the first class ever in my life.
It felt like a punch in the face.
I just don't want to talk grades with anyone.
I fail.
There is this boy and I just don't know what to do.
We are just starting to become friends and I don't want to ruin that.
I am so insane.
I need to just let things go.
This fall I will get good grades and get off AP and not do anything until my GPA is better.
Goals for the summer:
x.sleep in a bed with derek :]
o.get a job
x.lose 20+ pounds
o.do what I want to do
x.go to cedar point
o.kiss a boy
x.get kissed
o.be happy
x.finish eclipse
o.start and finish a lot of books
Goals for this fall:
x.get good grades
o.hang out in the library
x.find a boy
o.worry more about grades than anything else
x.still be happy
I will probably only do well on like two or three of those.
Ferris is such a nice get away for me.
My greek family doesn't even realize how much I love them.
Even if my big never answers my calls. I know he is crazy busy.
My twin is like my real twin. We have a lot in common.
Nephew is the craziest person I know and I love him a lot.
I finally figured out why I am so crazy around boys.
I've never truly had a boyfriend and I blame "him".
He makes me so nervous that I won't be able to keep control.
I would like to take that back that summer and everything would be okay with me.
Moving away from home might have made it worse.
I freak out anytime I am walking alone and even more at night.
He still has a control over me and I hate it.
I just got so sick of talking about the situation with people because they are no help at all.
Brandon Miller is the only person that still gives me nightmares.
(maybe putting that out there will help some.)
I like The Spill Canvas a lot.
I just started listening to them because they were going to be at Ferris Fest and they remind me about the lyrics and I like it.
After talking to Derek I need to take the career test again.
Maybe, Psychology is not my major to be.
I am destined to be something else. Something I can be great at.
I will sleep another day, I don't need to anyway.
AutBot. |
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| And so the Lion fell for the Lamb |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|12:39 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Living Room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Get Like Me- Remix | ] |
I am quite obsessed with Twilight. Something about the story just grabs me. I want to find someone like Edward(the character) so bad. I can only hope though.
So being home for Christmas break gives me a lot of time. I told Mandarin House I would work but they didn't sound too excited. So I just sit around the house and watch t.v. I'm not complaining, I just would like to be making some money. I hope this break is good though. I sure need it.
At school I joined a sorority and my friends at home and some family members haven't been very nice about it. A few people have called it a frat. Okay, so Fraternities are for guys, Sororities are for ladies. It's not that hard to understand. I got that before I turned Greek. The thing that bothers me is that my friends wanted me to make friends and I did now they just pick on me for being in a sorority or just are plain rude. This is one good decision that I made. It's something that I've always wanted to do and they can't even support that. It just hurts that they talk so bad about something I am so passionate about.
My one friend has been a little rude towards me since I've come home. I don't really understand because he use to always blow me off when I went to school here. Now that I live a little bit farther away and I can't always remember to call him back he is just a jerk to me. He yells at me for where I park in my own drive way. He doesn't come around unless I'm home either so I don't really get it.
I guess this is a little update/vent.
Get Like Me,
AUTBEE. |
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| Liars turn me on. |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|12:37 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Living Room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bounce- The Cab | ] |
The cabin was fun. I miss the good times we use to have. I guess it is impossible to bring new people into our regulars. As soon as Brad got there it just felt right. We did some of usual and then some. Our version of circle of death was fun and I love those boys. They know I can be dumb and they accept it and make me feel better about things. I just wish that everything could be that easy.
I enjoy talking to them about everything. There are times where I feel like the only one and it bothers me to open up about it. There can be times when things just get so difficult. I need them around to straighten me back out.
Moving to Grand Rapids is getting me so excited that I can't wait. I was unsure about it for the past two weeks but now I want to move more then ever. I just don't feel like dealing with somethings so I am just trying to blow them off. People included.
Recently I realized its easier to say thing then to actually do them. If you tell someone you miss them and you need to hang out. Its easier to say then to actually call them. I can't believe how many times I have heard/said that exact thing to numerous of people. It just easier to act nice then to be nice these days. Also I am so busy with recent events that sitting at home typing this update is easier.
Music just somehow keeps me sane. I just am about to go off when I hear the right song and I feel fine. I don't know why but I love the feeling.
Well this is just a start. When I have time for more I'll get back to it.
-AutBot |
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| Other Way, The |
[Aug. 14th, 2007|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pink/Kelly Clakson | ] |
So a long time ago I would take my problems out on others.
Well I have had an in sight on life.
I take problems out on myself.
I have realized that I am more like a Bollman everyday.
Come to find out that a lot of my Aunts only hung out with guys around my age because "Girls are Mean".
I found this out about myself.
I like the company of guys more than girls because they nit-pick a lot.
I am not saying that I don't like hanging out with girls its just I get along better with guys.
I also read a study for why people stress.
It said to think more like a boy.
So I am trying this out.
I have to come to realize that no one is trust-able.
I am trying to understand what I did wrong now for a certain boy to just stop talking to me. I have really only hung out with him a couple times and he made me feel nice but now nothing.
Oh well I guess, huh.
I really want classes to start back up so I don't have to just sit home every night. I have gone through a lot of movies and books this summer.
Go me.
Well everything is illuminated.
I wish I could still call you a friend
Drake Bell is in Midland tomorrow and I don't get to see him. :[ |
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| NEVER AGAIN |
[May. 21st, 2007|11:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green Day- Macy's Day Parade | ] |
So I have some down time to write you an actual entry.
( HOW DOES IT FEEL? ) |
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| My List |
[May. 10th, 2007|11:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Killers (DUH!) | ] |
Great night last night.
Some great lines...
When did that happen?
Roll down your window.
COOPER!!!!!
Mention that gas one more time...
We are going to sell your body for gas.
Get the money before pleasure.
Chicks before Dicks.
Hahaha.
WHOOO HOOO (when we're on the highway)
Running across a busy street to find a bathroom.
Excuse me.
Great now the waitress hates us.
Stake and Shake.
Johnny Rockets.
Fox Theather.
Maybe, if someone didn't lose something...
SHUT THE DOOR!!!
What if when we get back the car is there and their not?
They have a dent too.
Shutting Jess in the car.
About a Boy.
Parking Ramp.
Remember 4!
Turn Right.
Turn Left.
We're going in a circle!
Goodmorning Nick.
"Somebody Told Me"
It's too tacky.
Sometimes less is more.
I helped pose for those.
Well That explains a lot.
M & M (Eminem)
Hey Ma There it is.
There is 8 mile road. (Hi 8 Mile)
Did we pass 8 mile?
Are you kidding me?
There is your face Autumn!
Look Nick's face now & Nick's face when we run out of gas.
Jefferson Street.
"Sam's Town"
I could stay here all night.
What happened to your friend up there?
Drunk guys stripping. |
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| Liars and Battlelines |
[Apr. 11th, 2007|08:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Teddy Geiger- These Walls | ] |
So I don't feel like much of an update, but I'll try.
THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO FOR MYSELF
What is the definition of a friend?
Well according to dictionary.com
friend
–noun 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
I wonder how many of them I have.
I thought I had a good friend. One that understood me and actually liked hanging out with me. Made me smile all the time and made me laugh. Now I don't think that person wants to see me any more. They have moved on and left me standing here still trying to figure it out. I really miss having this person to talk to and vent to. Now I don't even know anything about them.
I had another friend. Sometimes they got on my nerves and we faught a lot but it was all in good fun. Well now I don't even talk to that person and its been 3 weeks I believe. I guess they didn't want to fix our friendship.
I had all these other friends well comes to find out they were talking about me behind my back. So I lost all trust in them . Tried fixing things but they just seemed to keep getting worse.
As of now, I am a loner
I will make more time for myself.
I really hope this second job happens.
That way I won't be able to do anything besides work.
I really wonder what I have ever done to be treated so badly?
My thoughts/comments are now my own.
I will not share anything with anyone.
I will not get excited for anything.
I will not get expectations.
I will not tell anyone anything about me.
I will not open my mouth.
I will not be included.
I will not be invited.
I will not whine.
I will not talk.
I will not care.
Please make note.
The girl you once knew is gone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2007|09:54 pm] |
I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ILL ,You keep makin' me ILL |
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| Keep On Lovin' You |
[Mar. 17th, 2007|09:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
Bonjour, vous.
I am loving college.
Too bad too much homework.
When I get time I will give you a real update.
J'adore Vous! |
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| Just A Phase |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|10:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David Gray- This Years Love | ] |
Quick check up.
Lets see...
Been hanging out with Aaron a lot.
Fighting as always.
I am in love with so many movies.
Recent interest in basketball games.
Saw some old friends.
I missed them tons.
A Lot Like Love is becoming one of my favorite movies.
I read something in collegate about Hannibal Rising.
I personally liked the movie.
Not the best but it was worth the money.
This writer said that Ghost Rider was more worth the money.
That personally made me mad.
I don't give a crap about some guy that can light himself on fire.
I do however care about a guy that is a serial killer.
People these days, no common sense.
I finally saw the Degrassi episodes that I missed.
JT [cries]
Work is going well.
Working with Ab makes things better sometimes.
Well I am tired and have class in the morning.
Good thing its only one class tomorrow.
I've been waiting on my own too long. |
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| I will play my game beneath the spin light |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|11:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Delta's Cafe (again) | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ben Kweller- Hosptial Bed | ] |
So my 11-1225 class was cancelled.
I guess I need to check my email more often.
Because, then I could have gone home till almost 2.
Oh well.
A little to late for that.
I was excited to go to class today too.
So I got new rubberband placings for my braces.
I have so much metal in my mouth its insane.
They have me doing this one thing where I have to put one across my smile.
Forget that.
I will do it when I am home or sleeping.
I walked out of the office to show Jess and she just started laughing.
I don't want to warm up my chinnese that I brought for lunch yet.
So I am going to sit here and type for awhile.
I don't have anything else to do.
I could read but I still have time for that.
Math 096 is almost over.
Math 097 starts Monday.
Joy.
Wish I could find a dumb plug for my laptop but they all seem to be taken.
I swear this one kid never leaves it.
Every lunch I come to, there he is on his laptop in the same spot I saw him in yesterday.
Seriously!
Oh yea that reminds me.
I love rumors.
I love to start them.
I am such a gossip.
I can't wait to find out what you are doing to tell everybody.
Here is a clue for you
1. Check with me first.
2. Think about it. I do not care about your highschool bs.
3. I have better things to fill my time with.
4. Who do I talk to, I go to classes. I eat lunch by myself. I go home or work.
5. The only people I talk to are as follows; Holly Rae, Abby Eichorn, Brad, Aaron Swis, John, Kayleen, & Christina.
6. When I do talk to these people it has nothing, nothing to do with you.
7. I HATE DRAMA so why would I cause it?
8. I am sick of people making stuff up just so there is drama.
I know that this is going to start stuff but I don't care anymore.
This hurts so much and I am regretting everything.
Everything meaning ever wanting to be a part of the puzzle.
Well I am seriously too worked up to talk anymore so.
I just want to say I need Kayleen to help me with god's love more because he is the only one left.
WORDS HIT MUCH HARDER THAN A BULLET FROM A GUN. |
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| Hurts so Good |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Delta College Cafe | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | morose | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David talking | ] |
So Washington Dc was great.
I enjoyed hanging out with family.
The protest went well.
Bus ride was the best!
"Does everyone have their BUDDY!?!?"
College is going well.
I am really enjoying my classes.
My Pol. Science class is going really well.
French is a blast.
My Eng. Prof. is the funniest.
Math is alright, I tend to fall asleep in class a lot though.
So I found a new favorite.
Tim Hortons has these Hot Smoothies and they are good!
I am back into my book mood again.
People have caught me all over campus reading.
I heard a good saying the other day.
It was, "Forgive Him then Forgive yourself. 'Cause if you don't forgive them, they keep the control over you."
I walked by B&BW to see Kayleen last night.
She was writing a book and didn't even look up once. :)
I sometimes wonder if you even think about me half as much as I think about you.
From the signs I am thinking no.
I miss some people but I know they don't miss me.
So, I am having my fun and not getting in anyones way.
Well I am done ranting and being happy.
"We are going to stop at IHOP!"
Autumn |
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| GET OVER YOURSELF. |
[Jan. 26th, 2007|01:08 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | AARON ON THE PHONE | ] |
SO IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS I WILL BE IN WASHINGTON DC.
I AM SO EXCITED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS TOWN.
I WILL MISS RAE THOUGH.
CALL ME AND LEAVE VOICEMAILS
OR TXT ME! |
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| FALL TO PIECES |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|04:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP - DJ WEBSTAR | ] |
SO ITS FRIDAY AGAIN.
I AM EXCITED BECAUSE I HAVE PLANS AGAIN.
I HAVE THIS STRANGE FEELING LATELY.
THAT I WANT TO BURN ALL MY PICTURES.
OKAY MAYBE NOT ALL BUT PRETTY CLOSE TO.
LOVE DANE COOK.
LOVE ASAIN SISTER.
LOVE SLEDDING.
LOVE KAYLEEN.
LOVE MUSIC.
LOVE WORK.
LOVE BRAD'S MOM'S HOUSE.
LOVE BRAD.
LOVE, LOVE.
LOVE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP.(NO CHICKEN)
LOVE CAPS TODAY.
LOVE SCHOOL.
LOVE HOW INDEPENDENT I HAVE BECOME.
LOVE HOW I AM MORE INTO DIFFERENT THINGS THAN YOU.
LOVE DRIVING.
LOVE NOT HAVING MONEY SO WE JUST WATCHING MOVIES.
LOVE POOL.
LOVE WII.
LOVE HOW I CAN COUNT ALL MY FRIENDS ON ONE HAND.
WELL THAT IS NOT NEARLY ENOUH LOVE YET SO I AM GOING TO GO BEFORE I SCARE YOU.
I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO 101.7 ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL AND I REALLY LIKE IT.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
HAPPY DAY.
HAPPY NIGHT!
(YOU DON'T KNOW!)
AUTUMN!!! |
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| Emotional Rescue |
[Jan. 12th, 2007|10:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | productive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | One Republic | ] |
First week to college has been good.
I really like all of my classes.
On Tuesday, OH MY.
Okay so I am an early person
So I got to school half an hour before class started.
Well there was a sign outside my class saying that the class had moved.
It told me the room to go to.
Well I stood up with some other kids and waited.
Finally alittle after 11 we went in and sat down.
The professor told everyone to take out their books.
Well looking around No One had the same book as me.
So I threw my stuff back in my bookbag and walked out.
Walked down to my original room.
My class was sitting in there.
I was too scared so I just sat in the hall untill the class was over.
(I know I am a dork)
I am learning to let things happen how they do.
Getting blamed for a lot has made me change my mind about everything.
I hope I learned my lesson for you.
I also don't like how a word about you has not come out of my mouth.
But,you talk a lot about me.
From what I have heard.
Wow, Thanks!
Anyways.
Its Friday and we are going bowling!
I am so excited.
[Oh yea girls night was ummm perfect!]
I love hanging out with Holly.
She makes me laugh a lot.
I MISS KAYLEEN.
Things are changing and I must admit it, I am doing alright.
Goodbye Apathy, I don't need you
Autumn |
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